remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
