I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
