would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
