Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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