I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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