look no pants
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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