you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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