His pubic hair was longer than his dick
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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