I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
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