I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
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Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize