Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
