Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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