Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
