i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
