Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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