I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
