Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
