People in love make me want to vomit
false alarm. still invincible.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
