Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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