Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
