i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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