Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
