if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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