guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
