life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
