Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
she peed on how many people?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
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