he puts the penis in happiness.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
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