she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
