I want to stick my p in your. b.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
I did not marry a roomba.
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