He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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