if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
