In the future we'll all be gay
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
