if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
what day is it and did you see me today?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Randomize
