a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
