addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
