Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
