Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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