From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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