What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
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Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
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Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
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