Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
