i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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