I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Randomize
