Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
