the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
