Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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