just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
