some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
