I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
