good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Randomize
