Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
