I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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