I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
