They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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