I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
