I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
