yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
