Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We got so high we made milksteak
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
