I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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