her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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