I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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