11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
