My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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