Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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