I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
