the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
