Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
