no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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