BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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