haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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