Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
