got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
