They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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