Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
