I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
