it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
wow bdsm is so cute
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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