My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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