When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
