We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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