Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
