I need help removing her.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
