Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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