Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
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